Musings of My Mind

"To a great mind, nothing is little." Sherlock Holmes

Month: March, 2014

Things To Stop Telling Yourself

Most of the time, my life in the real world (as opposed to Internet world) is divided into two parts: work and the rest of life. When I am at work, I am strong, confident, and assured. It is the kind of attitude that can only come from being good at your job and being the smartest person in the room. (Sometimes I also struggle with modesty, obviously.) When I’m not working and just experiencing life, I am often quiet and awkward. Why? Because I have the smartest most amazing friends on the planet and they dwarf me with their intelligence, wit, and accomplishments. So I sit in a room of my favorite people and the inner monologue goes something like this:

Why are they even hanging out with you? You don’t belong here. You’re lucky they’re nice or else they’d stop inviting you to stuff. Seriously, the group doesn’t need you. They are so much smarter than you. You bring nothing to this group. Just try to say something smart or funny enough that they think you belong. At least don’t say anything stupid.

And on it goes. 

For the record, this has nothing to do with my friends. They are beyond amazing and kind and loving. This is my issue. The more I talk to people in the Internet world, the more I think it is not only my problem. You see, when you combine a person with a past of self-esteem/introversion issues into a group of phenomenal people; doubt grows. It grows and grows and before you know it, you aren’t enjoying your friendships because you are too busy worrying about them. 

So here’s my advice to myself (and you):

Stop. Just stop. Trust that the people whose opinions you value so highly on every other matter are right about this too. Take their friendship as a constant reminder that you are enough. You are a one-of-a-kind constellation of light and stars and ideas and the world needs you. Stop hiding and shine bright, little star. 


On The Wrong Side of History

I do my best to keep silent when controversy hits the fan. I really do. Do not let the fact that I often speak out make you think I am not trying to remain quiet and calm. I try. Then I think of all the people who wish they could say something; who desperately want to shout from the rooftops but can’t. To do so would risk their families, their jobs, sometimes even their well-being. They cannot speak up. So I cannot be silent.

Most, if not all of you, have heard by now about WorldVision’s recent decision(s). Originally, the organization announced it had changed the employment contract for their American offices and would now hire individuals that were in same-sex marriages. A huge cheer went up from the crowd of LGBQI supporters. This was a step in the right direction. This was a Christian organization recognizing the value and personhood of everyone, regardless of orientation.

This was an organization that got its ass handed to them. Seriously. The evangelical blogosphere went completely crazy. People started canceling their sponsorships of children. WorldVision was taken to task for going against Biblical authority and for encouraging immorality. To paraphrase one person’s statements, “I would rather a child starve than them be served by a gay person.”

Seriously? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! You are so convinced that homosexual individuals are so terribly repugnant that they aren’t even worthy to feed starving children? (Feeding the hungry, by the way, is the work of Christ. It’s kind of His thing.) Some people argued against this idea, saying that there’s no stipulation that liars/cheaters/gluttons, etc can’t serve.

I don’t support that argument because that puts homosexual activity with sins. If you want to equate homosexuality to something, why not pick hair or eye color? Something that we are born with; that occurs naturally. If gay people can’t serve, does that mean blondes can’t either? Oh, wait…that seems silly. That’s because it is. Service comes from the heart and has nothing to do with biology.

So, conservative Christians the world over got loud and ugly. WorldVision then reversed its decision, asking for forgiveness for abandoning the Biblical construct. Conservatives cheered and the LGBTQI community was dumbfounded. As for me? I was embarrassed to be an American Christian. We get things wrong so, so often. While it is okay to make mistakes, it is not okay to insinuate that people are less than. Every single human being on this planet is made in the image of God. We all matter. YOU MATTER.

To those members of the LGBTQI community who may be feeling betrayed or attacked or any other number of horrible things: I’m sorry. Don’t judge Christ by the Christians. Jesus was a man who dined with tax collectors and prostitutes and everyone else polite religious society hated. In an age of patriarchy, the first people He appeared to after the resurrection were women. We are all unworthy and yet He invites us all to His table. There are those of us waiting with you and praying that the church will soon be on the right side of history. If the church will not let you in, we will bring the table to you. Let’s have a picnic. It sounds better that way anyway.

Yo Girl!

Someone only catcalled me once today at work. This is a major accomplishment as it usually happens several times a day. I do not mean to say that I am an exceptional beauty. I am not. Even still, not a workday goes by when I don’t hear a comment shouted at me from across the room or down the hall. 

Without going into too much detail (as I’m not entirely allowed to), I can tell you this. I work in an airport, which means that I see lots of different people all day long. I’ve worked there long enough that some faces are familiar. It is from these familiar faces that the calls come.

“Hey girl. When you gonna give me your number?”

“Hi trouble. Why haven’t you come to say hi lately?”

“Now that you’re here, my day is so much better.” 

On paper, these comments are harmless and complementary. Real life, however, is a different story. None of these men have taken the time to learn my name despite the fact that I wear an identification badge that they must inspect. None of them have attempted a conversation other than the ones I’ve given examples of. And you can bet your ass none of them yell at me when I walk the halls with my male boss. 

I am beyond complemented that someone thinks I’m pretty. If you ask me, it’s not a long list. that doesn’t mean that you no longer have to treat me with respect. I am a human first and a woman second. Learn to make that distinction and you might just get my number. Otherwise, you and your patriarchal entitled bullshit attitude can go home alone. I’ll be alright without you.